i read this…
…positive spin on feeling shitty over at Abide a couple of days ago. Interestingly it is when I feel at my lowest that I find it hardest to be and live in the moment. I do all manner of things to distract (and exhaust) myself. Often I even try to do more than one thing at once. Watching TV wouldn’t be distracting enough, so I’d need to add some obsessive surfing to the mix. Eating quietly certainly wouldn’t do, I’d need some loud music to drown out the now whilst I was chewing my food.
Most of all I find it very hard to draw. Drawing really is being completely in the moment for me. Instead I might find myself buying pens (that I don’t need), looking at what other people have drawn (though not really LOOKING of course), or just planning what I could draw (these drawing I very rarely make).
Ho hum. The only way to shift gear and get back into the moment is to do it. There’s no trick for me. I just need to drag myself back into the now kicking and screaming. When I’m finally here I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I don’t know what I was so scared of.
I just need to pick up my pen and draw something. Anything.
November 1st, 2004 at 10:08 am
Happy belated halloween!
I hope you feel more in the moment this morning.
mary
November 1st, 2004 at 11:40 am
Hi Michael, havent been in touch for a while.
I only pop along and look at your blog now & then but what strikes me is how hard you are on yourself.
Because I only look at your blog intermittently I see how far you have come and how much you are doing. The last time I looked you ahd just started to take the sertraline hydro. and to try the new diet. OK — you’re back on the old sugar and choccy fix, I see, but you’re still drawing, still maintaining your blog and now you’ve got a new venture with The Beanie. You may also like to know that I have managed to be a bit creative too (remember when I bought one of your prints I said I was struggling to start work again) I’ve had some work in a group show (www.creative-freelance.org.uk and go to Blank Page) and managed to upgrade my computer and get it set up in my studio instead of indoors where I have to share it with my 6 and 9 year olds (they have a new ‘puter).
Apart from all this you have also flagged up some other great sites etc I didnt know about, so you’re a good deseminator, if you’ll pardon the expression !!
Dont be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back and have another chocolate biscuit
JOHN
November 1st, 2004 at 6:39 pm
you are doing awesome with your work AND it sounds like getting your fanny in gear. Keep up the good work. I enjoy your blog!
November 1st, 2004 at 7:20 pm
sounds familiar….. and on most days i’ve yet to find a way to drag myself into the present moment… despite the all the kicking and screaming. why oh why must this be so difficult.
November 1st, 2004 at 8:52 pm
I’ve had a very out of the present moment day - most unpleasant. Mostly having hysteric about money and rushing across town hither and thither. Urgh! I’m going to make some dinner and sit on my sofa with the blanket I’m sewing up and hope it soothes me.
November 2nd, 2004 at 10:38 pm
i love your art.
November 4th, 2004 at 6:41 pm
Well, of course I *do* put orange juice in my cereal, etc., & am out-of-the-moment more often than not.
Your blog is a great encouragement to me.
April 16th, 2006 at 12:23 am
Jeez, you just described me. I am always procrastinating living in the moment. Have you ever wanted to go somewhere, and as soon as you get there, you want to leave and go back to where you just were? It’s a special kind of hell, living like this.