seeing…
…more clearly I think and hope.
A few days ago I was asked to take part in the 100 Bloggers project. For my contribution I decided to edit together some posts from here charting this last twelve months since I decided to stop doing and trying. I feel quite shaken by how I suddenly saw myself. How much I’ve come to think of myself simply as an ill person, how I’ve set rigid boundaries around myself, how unwilling I have been to look beyond myself and see what’s possible. How difficult a person I’ve been - how difficult I must have been to love. I’m so sorry for that.
Within all that I saw also a gradual improvement in my health that I just haven’t noticed on a day-to-day, week-to-week basis. I feel terribly excited by this. The last two weeks have been incredibly difficult, I’m not sure the difficulties have really passed but I do at least feel more hopeful. I’ve been thrown back on my own resources in ways that I haven’t in many, many years and have been amazed to find I have some. Suddenly it feels like it’s time to begin learning to be well rather than learning to do less. I hope so…
January 29th, 2005 at 4:13 pm
How wonderful! But you really only could’ve gotten to this place by accepting the need to do less… Yes, the key will be to keep even energy levels… something I know little about how to do… Ooo it’s very exciting!
January 29th, 2005 at 6:42 pm
Me too.
January 30th, 2005 at 10:41 am
Being ill is only one part of you. There is alot more too you!
Good to get a reminder of this
February 1st, 2005 at 3:07 am
Michael….seeing an improvement is really exciting isn’t it?? Thats what is so great about visual journaling….also doing it this way you have the added bonus of getting feedback!
You ROCK!
Violette
February 2nd, 2005 at 6:15 am
I just visited your site for the very first time. (You were mentioned in a SARK forum.) When I read this post, especially “…I’m so sorry for that”, I immediately shouted in my head, “tell yourself it’s ok.” You said you are sorry to the people who might have had a hard time loving you in the past year, more than likely *you* have had the hardest time. We are often harder on ourselves than others. Give yourself a hug, tell yourself everything is alright, give yourself a little love and comfort. Yes, you deserve it! Yes, you are worth it! Once we accept where we are, we are able to move on.
Kitty