sitting…
March 6th, 2005
…at my mother’s watching her look rather small wrapped in her quilt. I’m doing a lot of sitting just now. The world seems to be conspiring to make me. Usually it would be my own health that would insist I sit still, now it’s someone else’s. Rather odd and new. My world seems to be so completely upside day now. This is just another example of how.
A fellow blogger left a comment in response to yesterday’s entry telling me to wallow in the change. I would very much like to learn how to. I do feel that this is a time of unbelievable change and I really can’t fight against it anymore. But how do I wallow? That seems to imply enjoy it. It reminds me of A A Milne’s Piglet wallowing in his mud puddle in The House at Pooh Corner. For him it was a way to return to the familiar after a rather too exciting adventure. I need to learn how to wallow in something new and uncomfortable. But wallow I shall.
March 6th, 2005 at 9:05 pm
I am trying to understand why ‘they’ believe that change is good for us. I suppose that ‘they’ will say that it has something to do with growth but sometimes growth is the last thing that we need (oh! my spreading hips!). I am a Cancer and we crabs are not supposed to respond well to change - or so ‘they’ say.
Enjoy the enforced rest and your time with your mum.
March 7th, 2005 at 1:53 am
Many many years ago a friend was going through a very difficult life experience and said something I have never forgotten: “I know these things are supposed to help me grow but sometimes it just feels as though I’m getting stretched instead…” and we spent a lot of time joking about stretch marks on the soul which helped to keep things from getting too grim.
I agree that wallow implies enjoying…and I’m not sure that’s always possible. Letting one’s self experience something fully can’t always happen either…sometimes insight and truth only comes with the unfolding of time. but it is possible not to fight it and to stay open to what good may be wrapped up in the difficult. For me, that only happens when I remember to breathe…in….out….in….out…and remember that I’ve survived a lot of stretching in the past and I’m stronger for it, sprititually if not physically.
Wishing you and your mom a good rest and some peace.
March 7th, 2005 at 8:59 am
You know Michael, I only found your website on Saturday, and I was so drawn to it [I too am an artist / illustrator, whose former career was decimated by M.E., which I have struggled to live with for over five years now], I proceeded to spend the WHOLE day reading every single entry! I even made you my home page in Safari and Firefox.
You are an inspiration, and don’t you ever forget that, your blog has inspired me toset up a blog of my own, as well as one for a friend, I might even end up with a few! Hey - we didn’t get ME by resting on our laurels did we?!
To the important issue of your mother, and your wondering about wallowing, I feel this - to wallow is to relax into, rather than to fight against. I wonder if you do this, then perhaps you will regain strength and energy from the experience, rather than to be drained of it. I know all too well how stress and emotional stuff drains us M.E. folk. I think to relax into this, you will be there for your mum in a really positive way, and won’t harm yourself through the process.
Thanks Michael for the inspiration to change the way I do things, in small ways, I’m definitely going to try the drip approach. I’m pretty well convinced that through your blog, you are inspiring many people, in many places, in many ways, small and large. Remember that, and draw strength from it in your weaker moments. We all need sources of strength.
Hang in there kiddo, and lots of love and hugs to you and your Mum.
March 7th, 2005 at 7:41 pm
Oh i wallow all the time Michael. In Jack Kornfield’s A Path with Heart he tells the reader to sit with whatever emotion you are experiencing….by sitting he means meditating. He tells us not to fight it….feel the feelings completely and then you can move onto something else. Sometimes wallowing can be the most fertile time too….like a baby gestating in a woman’s womb just waiting to explode into the world.
Cheers,
Violette
best wishes to you and your mom
March 7th, 2005 at 9:31 pm
I hope your mum feels better soon, Michael. It’s such a difficult time when our old ones are doing poorly. Wishing you strength during the challenging time.
March 8th, 2005 at 1:19 am
I find I can deal with my own health problems with a little patience and TLC, but when an older family member gets sick, especially my Mom, I just want to make it all better right away.
I hope your Mum recuperates very quickly and that you can relax soon. It’s impossible to “wallow” in it - you just want it to be resolved and see her old self again.
March 8th, 2005 at 6:02 am
I don’t know whether I would wallow in change either, but sometimes when events overwhelm me I have the presence of mind to sit still in a favourite chair, or go visit my river, and let it all wash over me. Sometimes I feel like a survivor clinging to wreckage in the sea. I hope in that place you can find stillness.
Be well,
Van
March 10th, 2005 at 12:24 am
So, it stopped raining here in San Francisco, and it has been so dazzlingly sunny that my blog and are seem to be taking a break from each other! It might also have to do with the fact that my water heater needed an emergency “new one”.
I think us creatives keep trying to be systematic, not realizing it is our ups/downs that allow us to sometimes look/present the world from a different point of view.
I admit to hiding in bed yesterday morning and finishing up a Peter Lovesay mystery. Books make great wallowing friends. Besides, I was told not to be a little Eeyore.
I have my own crochet blanket - very good for days in! Don’t forget to fluff the pillows ; )