finding my groove…
October 4th, 2005
I was very touched by all the kind words I received after yesterday’s entry. Thank you. I’m doing okay. Better than okay really. I was sort of trying to say that yesterday, but I think I came across as still being in not a great place. I want to try and explain more clearly.
Last week was horrible, there’s not much positive I can say about it, except it gave me a lot of time to think, which sometimes isn’t a bad thing. Apart from thinking that I think too much I also came back to the idea that I’ve been doing too much, losing sight of what’s important to me, running ahead of myself again. I want to slow down again, find my own tune to groove away to (or some cliche like that).
What’s worked well for me over the last couple of years has been been drawing and working on The Beany and my blog. What hasn’t, is trying to push myself beyond what is comfortable and manageable. It’s a lesson I seem to have to learn again and again - I doubt I’ve learnt it yet, but I’m working on it.
So it’s back to basics. Picking up a pen and drawing. My Favourite Pen still feels a little strange in my hands but I’m trusting that the more I let it sit there the easier it will feel. I hope so…
October 5th, 2005 at 10:34 am
michael i’m so glad that you posted this update!
October 5th, 2005 at 11:17 am
Oh poor you! I missed all this cos work has kept me hellacious busy for the last few weeks (that’ll teach me to take a holiday!).
I’m so sorry to hear about all the meds woes - I’m queen of side-effects so I know how that can make you feel (especially when your GP tells you “I’ve never known THAT to happen before” whilst simultaneously making you feel like the worst kind of hypochondriac for assiduously poring over the small print on the tablet packet :)).
As to the rest of it - you’re so honest about appraising your situation I’m sure you’ll shift life into balance very soon. And reassess it from time-to-time - just like now.
Just a thought - you mention the self-guilt tripping thing - have you thought about speaking with a counsellor? I’ve found it incredibly useful when I’ve felt overwhelmed/lost my sense of proportion of what is going on with my life (and easier on my mates poor ears lol). You might find some coping strategies there - http://www.bacp.co.uk/information/expect.html is a very good site. I know my GP has a ’shared’ counsellor that does a day a week in our surgery and other days elsewhere locally - yours might do too - so it needn’t cost you a lot of money and you could avoid being stuck on a waiting list - worth thinking about maybe.
For day-to-day you could do worse than visit http://www.barefootdoctorglobal.com and sign up for the Daily Doc Box (small essays of fantastic off tangent taoism, relaxation/meditation, philosophy and love - I recommend them heartily - Barefoot is a wonderful bloke) - cheers me up no end.
Thinking strong thoughts for you
E